Well, I know I gave it everything I had. But when I think of it - one of those grants included me in the budget for the very first time, about 20k per year for me, as a consultant. And 110k per year for five years for the company.
But ultimately, that's not the kicker. They were good fucking grants. I know they were. And we all worked our asses of - I did, and mom did, and the clients did, and our liaisons at the schools did. And now all those thousands of kids won't have access to after school, and I can't help but feel that if I'd done better maybe we'd have had a shot, but the truth is I know that with that few grants winning, and the way points are awarded, it's pretty safe to literally say that nothing I did could have made a difference - most of grants simply could not have met with cut off in points without being well-nigh perfect.
To put it in perspective, last year, the grants were rated on a scale from 1 to 100, and every grant that met certain parameters that achieved a score of 75 or higher was awarded.
This year, the grants were rated on a scale from 1 to 106. Every grant that scored about a 93 was awarded - and some grants, for various statutory reasons, could actually only achieve a score of 104 or 100.
They awarded 47 fewer grants this year than last year, received 100 more submissions than last year. Last year, they gave $57 million in grants; this year they gave $33 million in grants.
I know all the facts, and I keep telling myself that we did everything we could, but you know what?
I still feel like shit.
I've got company until tomorrow, but tomorrow, let's figure something out.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:25 pm (UTC)But ultimately, that's not the kicker. They were good fucking grants. I know they were. And we all worked our asses of - I did, and mom did, and the clients did, and our liaisons at the schools did. And now all those thousands of kids won't have access to after school, and I can't help but feel that if I'd done better maybe we'd have had a shot, but the truth is I know that with that few grants winning, and the way points are awarded, it's pretty safe to literally say that nothing I did could have made a difference - most of grants simply could not have met with cut off in points without being well-nigh perfect.
To put it in perspective, last year, the grants were rated on a scale from 1 to 100, and every grant that met certain parameters that achieved a score of 75 or higher was awarded.
This year, the grants were rated on a scale from 1 to 106. Every grant that scored about a 93 was awarded - and some grants, for various statutory reasons, could actually only achieve a score of 104 or 100.
They awarded 47 fewer grants this year than last year, received 100 more submissions than last year. Last year, they gave $57 million in grants; this year they gave $33 million in grants.
I know all the facts, and I keep telling myself that we did everything we could, but you know what?
I still feel like shit.
I've got company until tomorrow, but tomorrow, let's figure something out.