Why, Chris?

[unforth]

I don't really have time to write a post, but this has been pressing on me a lot since I heard about it yesterday, and I'm hoping that maybe if I get it off my chest I can get on with the other stuff I need to get done.

Last night, deadmanwade called to tell me that Chris Benoit, his wife and child had been found dead in one of their homes. For those who don't know who that is, he is...he was a professional wrestler, one I was rather fond of. He always seemed to me to be one of the good guys. However, when I heard the news my first thought was that it was a murder-suicide - though early reports didn't indicate that.

The news on this today reveals that it does appear to be a murder suicide, though. I found another article that says that Benoit apparently strangled his 43 year old wife and smothered his 7 year old son on Saturday, and then hung himself on Monday morning.

When I first heard he was dead, I was sad enough that I almost started to cry. I didn't want to believe that it was a murder-suicide. I really wanted it to be something else. I would have rather heard that they were all murdered, or died of carbon monoxide poisoning, anything other than to learn that someone I respected and liked and, in a strange way - considering this is a person I never met and knew surprisingly little about - that I trusted. Now I find myself trying to sort through what, exactly, I feel about this. I'm surprised, first and foremost, that I'm feeling as much as I am. I'm thinking about it a surprising amount, more than I've thought about anything like this since, well, since Eddie Guerrero (another wrestler) died a couple of years ago. I want to believe in Chris. Even now that I know it's a murder-suicide, I want to know WHY. I want to know what drove him to this. I can't believe that it's something he would have done "normally," was he on weird medication? I want something that will excuse him for this crime. And I fear I'll never get it.

I wouldn't say that Benoit was a hero of mine, but I did have a lot of respect for him. Even as I feel rather betrayed by what's happened, I find I still want more than anything to believe in him.

All in all, it's very strange. I've never really gone through something like this before - and I never thought that I cared enough about any celebrity to go through this kind of thing over the events in their lives.

Even knowing that he's a murderer, I can honestly say that I'm going to miss Chris Benoit. And somehow, that's what makes me saddest of all.

Comments

[kniedzw.livejournal.com]

Initial suppositions have been turning toward steroid use and "'roid rage," but I don't know if they've actually found evidence of that yet. I want to say that I saw somewhere that they found anabolic steroids in the house, but I might be misremembering.

[unforth.livejournal.com]

It's in this article (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070626/ap_on_re_us/wrestler_dead_31). I'd read about the "'roid rage" bit too.

[gollumgollum.livejournal.com]

Surly and i just found out a little while ago. We're pretty shocked ourselves. It's crazy - as Surly just told our friends on the phone, we're trying to wrap our heads around it, and just don't know what to make of it.

Incidentally, the next week or two are out, but we watch Smackdown pretty religiously (as it's the only channel with wrasslin' that we get). You're always welcome to join us.

[unforth.livejournal.com]

I would love to watch Smackdown with you, but I just haven't got the time. :( I'll try, though, once or twice before I leave - I haven't watched wrestling in ages, and I miss it!! :)

[d-c-m.livejournal.com]

*big hug* I'm sorry honey.

[mistress-sin.livejournal.com]

yeah. it shocked tom and i too. unfortunately, tom called it while watching the first hours of RAW on monday. it was creepy when it came to light on tuesday. he is now no longer allowed to talk about such things again.

but in happy news: tom and i got the keys for our apartment!! yay moving!! *happy dance*

[unforth.livejournal.com]

The instant I heard that all three were dead, my first thought was murder-suicide...that's how such cases always are. I just really, really hoped it wasn't true. Poor Benoit. Poor family. :( :(

Congrats on the new apartment! I want photos!!

[morbon-tg.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I heard the final verdict on this. I was listening to the radio yesterday coming into work and the said that at first they considered it a Murder-Suicide, changed that to a Homicide, changed it back, and the last I heard they had reverted back to it being a Homicide. You seem to be looking into it a lot more that me, so you might know better.

[unforth.livejournal.com]

I haven't heard any flipflopping, nor have I seen a sign of it in the media that I've examined, but I would (strangely) much prefer to hear that it was a homicide. Really, it sucks either way.