Early Morning Ramblings

[unforth]

4 am this morning saw me on the train in an effort to get to NYC in time to make an 8:30 meeting (which will occupy my entire day). Despite this irritation (which is in truth a very minor one, I really have become a morning person, and somehow with less than four hours sleep I'm somehow unperturbed to have woken up at 2:30. Caffeine helps) I'm in good spirits, but I've already finished all the light reading I brought with me, and the paper only lasted about an hour, and with an hour and a half left to go, I thought I'd continue to tax my beloved Blackberry (thank god for the power outlet next to my chair!) and kill the time by rambling.

There's a lot that's been on my mind recently. I'm in good spirits of late. I credit mistress_sin with much of this, and the rest to having finally weathered various emotional trauma, much of which is now years in the past. Though I stillk haven't made new friends in NYC, I have reconnected with old, and I finally feel like I have the energy to tackle going out and making some effort. I'm of two minds on how to do this. On the one hand, I've joined OKCupid, and though have been far too busy to do it justice, it has already produced multiple promising individuals (at least 4 or 5) who I think would be fun acquaintances with the outside possibility for perhaps more. That said, I'm past the point that I really feel any pressing need for a boy. Don't get me wrong - I would really like to have a boyfriend, I'm only three months from 3 years single! - but it's just not that pressing, I'm not desperately seeking, I'm past the point where the first thing I do when I meet a new guy is evaluate his potential as a boy toy (now it's only the 2nd or 3rd thing - j/k :) ). The credit for this absolutely stems to a 4 am conversation with mistress_sin and moonartemis72 during Gencon, when they finally talked some sense in to me - that and to time and to the strength of my self-exploration in the past few years. Meanwhile, on the other hand from OKCupid, I'm still hoping that I can maybe make some friends by just going about my life. This has only met with minimal success - I've made 1 (or 3, depending on how you count) friends this year, and I met them organically - in this case, at a work conference in December. We hit it off great, and I think she's great, but unfortunately, she lives in Salt Lake City, and her self- admission is that she is just about as bad a correspondent as I am. Thus, aside from an annual conference which was just held two weeks ago, and at which I spent an entire evening with her and her equally charming though domewhat more shy sister (I met her husband in December, hence the 3 number), I have basically no chance of speaking with her again before the next conference, which will be on an unknown date in 2010. However, the failure of my meeting people through activities, while frustrating, hasn't really discouraged me. The move caused my usual museum-going to flag, but I'm getting back to it now despite being quite busy at the moment. I have great plans, and have been making them happen slowly - last week, after a meeting that took me to the Bronx, I popped over to the zoo despite the frigid weather and the fact that it had snowed all morning (both, as it turns out, were plusses, for the zoo was virtually empty and the Bronx River was stunning with the blanket of fresh snow. With the expected re-opening of High Bridge some time this year (a bridge across the East River at 173rd St.) I have high hopes of executing the three to four mile walk to the zoo and the Botantical Gardens repeatedly once the weather gets better. Thus will make me very happy, as I have never in my life gotten to either of these beloved locations nearly as often as I'd like. Meanwhile, I have my museum pass from work, and with it's many museums which I have either never visited (for example, the Skyscraper museum) or haven't been to since I was a kid (ie the newly refrubished Intrepid Air-Space-Sky museum) I have high hopes. I can't believe that I can avoid meeting any one at all if I just keep doing these things!

However, even if I do manage that, there are four areas which I have been considering that should help.

1. I want to volunteer some where. This has been something on my mind for ages, but I've yet to figure out where I want to put my energies. I mean, sure, I could keep it simple and go feed the homeless somewhere, but since when do I keep things simple? I want to do something that I'm passionate about, but this has been surprisingly hard to pin down. I wanted to do Habitat for Humanity, but they aren't currently taking volunteers in NYC. I've been thinking about the Botanical Gardens - especially their library, where I might be able to do some conservation work, or the NYPL for the same reason, or the Museum of Natural History, which I just love. I've thought about the ASPCA, but I think that would drive me nuts, and various other locations. A community garden, maybe? The problem is I just haven't taken the time to sort this out, but Obama inspires me so much, that I'm leaving Washington quite determined to do the requisite research and be prepared to get started in March or early April, which looks to be the soonest that my schedule will permit the addition of 8 hours of random work per week - for I anticipate doing 4 to 8 hours where ever I end up.

2. Going back to school. I've talked about this a lot in different forms in the past two years but I haven't gotten anywhere, primarily because, as it turns out, I can't honestly say I want to go back to school. At all. However, what's been much on my mind is, what will my second career be? I anticipate continuing doing what I'm doing now for about 15 years, but though I'm very fond of my job, this is not my lifelong ambition. The past year has seen me - finally! - returning to the roots of my interests. I'm making things again, I've been voluntarily reading books on science - renewing age-old interests in geology, paleontology, astronomy, etc. - and history - stirring especially my life long fascination (morbid at times) with the Civil War - and all in all I find myself much perplexed by a question which I barely dodged the first two times it came up: what the heck do I want to do with my life? Who do I want to be? I'm pretty confident in my abilities - I'm not brilliant at anything, but I know from experience that there is virtually nothing I can't do when I set my mind to it - which makes the whole process rather terrifying. I am very slowly approaching the point when some things won't be viable options, and I'm already at the point where a definite choice in one direction will cut off other avenues. History would probably make the most sense - I have two undergrad degrees related to that after all - and yet my brief introduction to masters level history while I was at IU were distinctly unsatisfying - at least at that school, the kind of history that I find most interesting is highly discouraged as very behind the times. Apparently old-fashioned political history is, in fact, old-fashioned, but my general disdane for social and cultural histories makes me unsuited for academia history. Anyway, I'm not interested in settling into academia if I can help it. Right now, there seem to be so many paths that I can't see the way. I've resolved to wait at least a while longer - a couple of years - and see what a happens and where my interests tend. In the meantime, though, I've been thinkinf about classes of other kinds. Photography, for one - I've grown enough interested in it and enough devoted to my little camera that I want to learn more about lenses and apertures and focal lengths and such, maybe some editing tricks, and then get myself a much nicer camera and see if I can't have some fun. I have no thoughts of doing this professinally, but I know that I love to take pictures, especially of art and museum artifacts like gems and fossils, so this is definitely worth pursuing. I've been thinking also about martial arts, or perhaps of going back to my Irish step (though I kinda sucked, it was a lot of fun) or something along those lines. And thirdly, spurred by Rock Band (which I finally own!!) I have really been considering taking drum lessons. I flat out LOVE playing the drums in Rock Band 2, and I really think that once I have a bit more money (probably April, certainly May) I'm gonna do this - even though I'd have to rent practice space and such. In all of these thoughts, there is the potential for meeting people.

3. (I know, I said 4, but I consolidated three in to the above, and it'd be annoying to scroll up and fix things above) Synagogue. I'm not a religious person. I think of myself as an agnostic - I don't personally believe in god, but I allow for the possibility that there might be i- though I truly don't think so. However, a couple of family functions have brought me to temple recently, and I've found it very soothing. I don't believe in it, but it resonates somehow. I haven't yet figured out what to do with this feeling - join a Synagogue, or some other type of religious organization - perhaps a non-denominational one. I'm sure I'll figure it out, but for now I'm just letting it percolate. Whatever I decide, though, if I do anything this too will help me meet people.

4. (See, I thought of another!) I have hardly met anyone through travel (except in Japan, which was kind of different since I consider myself to have lived there, not visited), but my brother met his wife on a plane, so it is clearly possible. I intend to travel a lot this year, and I'm off to a quick start - five days in Washington from which I'm now returning; 10 days in Puerto Rico with my mom in the beginning of February. The family is planning a big trip to Europe (probably Paris and London), possibly in June, which I may have to bitch out of despite wanting to go and saying I would because of work stuff. I'll of course be in Chicago in the end of May, and I'll make a week of it if I can afford to. I'm hoping to go to Japan next fall, and I have bunch of weekend trips I want to take - Philadelphia, Boston, various Civil War battlefields, including some like Shiloh that are far. All in all, I see a lot of potential opportunities here, so we'll see.

5. Gaming? Geekiness? Of course, if I could find a game that was awesome that would be great, but I fear finding one that is not in line with my interests. Meanwhile, I've done the equation as follows: LARPer + love of costume making + looking cute in big skirts + my desire to make mid-19th century dresses ever since I started sewing + digging guys in uniform + love of the Civil War + approaching 150th anniversaries = reenactment. I feel that this would make me an even huger geek than before, but that it might be fun. However, not many young people do reenactment in my experience, so I've been hesitant. Still, it's been on my mind.

To sum up, I've spent a lot of time in my head of late, seeking answers to two questions:
1. How can I make new friends as wonderful as the ones I've left behind?
2. What do I want to be when I "grow up?"
The above babbling repesents just some of all the stuff that I've been considering, and have shared with those that I speak with, but I've been mum on here about. Nothinf is decided, but much is considered.
Well, it's nearly 7, and it's getting light, so I'm gonna call it quits. But I will add briefly, that taking the train is so by far more awesome than driving, I'm completely converted. The hour+ I spent writing this (typing on Blackberry is slow) could have been spent with hands glued to the steering wheel, avoiding idiots, wiping my tired eyes, but instead it's been spent reflecting and relaxing. Epic win!

Have a great day, everyone! :)

Comments

[sapphohestia.livejournal.com]

I'm glad the train worked well after all!

[unforth.livejournal.com]

Yes! It was most excellent. Thanks again for having me - I had a really nice time. :)

[moonartemis76.livejournal.com]

I am pleased to have helped. All the stuff you are interested in for your own life will makes yours a beautiful and fascinating )personally I think you are pretty darn cool already, but this is even richer)

I hope you can make it for a week. Give me a call and I will see what I can do to help!

[unforth.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry I was kind of a brat at the time, but I spent a lot of time thinking about it after that, both during the rest of the Con and in the rest of August, and really, the stuff you guys told me was dead right, and I had been wallowing and really needed the wake up call. So thanks. :)

I think I'll be able to make it for a week. I really want to! I'll give you a buzz - I've been meaning to for ages anyway, I miss you!! My current home phone number is 646 410 0860 - did you end up with my new address?

[bakanekotoo.livejournal.com]

Wow, it sounds like you had a lot on your mind... Here are my thoughts on your points:

1)My friend Yi was thinking of volunteering too, maybe you guys can do something together.

2)Yeah, going back to school when you really have no desire/no clear idea of what you want to do is probably not a good idea. Taking classes though seem like an awesome way to meet people, and learn more about your interests. Good luck on that! I wish I had more time to take classes :-\

3)I can see how it can be soothing. Even though I'm not a religious person, sometimes I pray to calm myself. It works. I have no idea why :-P

4)Traveling is fun! Wow sounds like you're booked. Does that mean you're prolly not going to Vegas?

5)Don't really know what to say about reenactment :-P

Good luck with whatever you end up pursuing! We need to meet up, hopefully sometime soon. It feels like it's been forever since I saw you :-(

[unforth.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the feedback! It's nice to hear from someone else who isn't religious, to know that you find it soothing too - I really don't know what it is about it, but it really is.

I probably can't go to Vegas. I have to let them know - I was waiting a little longer to see if I can fit it in, but I think I need to take shorter trips, probably on weekends, so that I'm here for my twenty billion meetings. And to think, last year I managed to go months without a meeting, and I have 9 next week...and three in the two days I'm home this week...

I don't really know what to say about reenactment either. ;) That's why I haven't done anything about it yet.

I would definitely like to get together, but as indicated by my 9 (that doesn't sound right, it might be 10) meetings next week, my schedule is nuts...and then I go to Puerto Rico. But are you free any nights next week? Cause I'd definitely love to pick your brain one last time about your trip and get some tips and just hang out.

[bakanekotoo.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I started working late as of this week, so I don't get out of work until 8 at the earliest, so the only day I'm free is Friday night. Does that work for you?

[guiniveve.livejournal.com]

There are days that I want to go back to school. I would get a BA in history or an MA in English. OF course, I have gotten really lazy recently and don't really want to do anything.