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Future and stuff
I find myself thinking about the future a lot recently. I'm starting to reach that point in my studies where I seriously have to ask myself, "so wait, what the hell am I doing next?" The problem is, everytime I think I've figured it out, I find something else that sounds totally awesome. Don't get me wrong, we're not talking the difference between rocket science and creative writing, all the changes are within my problem, but it's still problematic.
On Monday, as I wrote, "Preservation of Library and Information Materials," a class I'm in, went on a trip to Heckman Bindery. We saw the peons who work mindlessly on machines, which didn't look like much fun, but we also saw their conservation lab, where the things they did were still fairly mindless, yet I couldn't escape the feeling that I really wanted to DO those things, and that they looked like fun. Thus, I spoke to my professor about doing an internship with him, and I think it's going to work out, and I'll be doing an internship in the area of conservation if all goes well. Of course, I had thought that my focus was in archives, and before that, I had planned to do research professionally, and both of those things still sound interesting too. Yet I can't deny that I'm really, really excited about the possibility of working on conservation. Furthermore, I got permission from the Professor to take "Rare Book and Rare Book Librarianship," which is more closely related to the conservation thing than any of the other areas, and so once again I find myself asking, "wait, what do I really want to do?" I mean, 6 months ago I was really excited about the idea of doing research professional. 3 months ago I was really excited about the idea of working at a museum or archive. And now I'm really excited about working on conservation. I'm starting to think that I shouldn't be thinking in terms of any one thing.
Meanwhile, as I'm sure most of you know, I work for my mother. She retired in about 2000 after working as a teacher and administrator for 35 years in New York City. Soon after, she started a consulting firm, Houck Educational Consultants, whose primary purpose is to write grants for public schools in New York. I've worked for her sporadically since 2003, and full time (sort of) since last summer. Earlier today, she told me "officially" that she wants my brother (who also works for her) and I to carry on the company into the indefinite future. This is not to say that she is stepping down, but in the future, when she can't run the company or what not, she wants us to keep it up. I wanted to be excited about this, but at the same time, I'm busy being excited about being a conservator. I know I can't do what my mother does - she thinks I can, and that's flattering, but even if I gained all the technical knowledge that she has, I don't have the contacts and experience that 40 years in the NYC school system have given her. I want to be able to continue what she's done - cause what's she's done is pretty amazing, she's made a very successful company in only a few years - but I also want to do what I want to do. She understands that, of course, and doesn't really expect me to make her career my career, and she said that I could do it "in addition." I would be fine with this, in truth, but for a sad irony in what she said: she explained this further by saying I could "do what she does, coordinate other people and that sort of thing." That makes it sound like what she does isn't a full time job, and she DOES do a full time job, she works CONSTANTLY...she laughed when I commented on this, but it's a problem really - I'd go nuts pursuing my own career while also maintaining HEC. While I wouldn't do that alone - my brother has a definite stake as well - I'd almost HAVE to be the writer, because Ben doesn't enjoy writing, and it's sort of a mess.
Sigh. I have the feeling all of this will work itself out, but for now it's just all in my head.
Anyway, my week so far has been pretty fun. I gave my wizard in my game a little baby dragon to play with. He feels really guilty, cause my players did kill it's mom, but I'm trying to convince him he wants a cute baby dragon familiar. I know the halfling wants him to keep it, she keeps going, "awwww, it's so cute," even when it tried to bite her. I felt a little strange, having a living being be part of the treasure that they received, and it was fun anyway. :)
Then yesterday we finished up the session of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
drake_rocket's Supers game that we started on Friday. It was...messy. In all, 4 out of 5 PC's got knocked unconscious (including me, I got my arm broken and I got stabbed, both of which stunk seriously) and I think I'm the only PC who felt we "won." (our primary goal was to retrieve the evil soviet robots, which we did, so I count it a win...in other ways, it was definitely a loss.)
I'm also excited, I got an A+ on my first major assignment of the semester. I always get nervous when I submit first major paper to a new professor for the first time. On the flip side, I'm starting to get nervous about the history department,I wish they'd get back to me...I don't mind not getting in at all I just wish I knew..
But I should be paying attention. :) Later!
On Monday, as I wrote, "Preservation of Library and Information Materials," a class I'm in, went on a trip to Heckman Bindery. We saw the peons who work mindlessly on machines, which didn't look like much fun, but we also saw their conservation lab, where the things they did were still fairly mindless, yet I couldn't escape the feeling that I really wanted to DO those things, and that they looked like fun. Thus, I spoke to my professor about doing an internship with him, and I think it's going to work out, and I'll be doing an internship in the area of conservation if all goes well. Of course, I had thought that my focus was in archives, and before that, I had planned to do research professionally, and both of those things still sound interesting too. Yet I can't deny that I'm really, really excited about the possibility of working on conservation. Furthermore, I got permission from the Professor to take "Rare Book and Rare Book Librarianship," which is more closely related to the conservation thing than any of the other areas, and so once again I find myself asking, "wait, what do I really want to do?" I mean, 6 months ago I was really excited about the idea of doing research professional. 3 months ago I was really excited about the idea of working at a museum or archive. And now I'm really excited about working on conservation. I'm starting to think that I shouldn't be thinking in terms of any one thing.
Meanwhile, as I'm sure most of you know, I work for my mother. She retired in about 2000 after working as a teacher and administrator for 35 years in New York City. Soon after, she started a consulting firm, Houck Educational Consultants, whose primary purpose is to write grants for public schools in New York. I've worked for her sporadically since 2003, and full time (sort of) since last summer. Earlier today, she told me "officially" that she wants my brother (who also works for her) and I to carry on the company into the indefinite future. This is not to say that she is stepping down, but in the future, when she can't run the company or what not, she wants us to keep it up. I wanted to be excited about this, but at the same time, I'm busy being excited about being a conservator. I know I can't do what my mother does - she thinks I can, and that's flattering, but even if I gained all the technical knowledge that she has, I don't have the contacts and experience that 40 years in the NYC school system have given her. I want to be able to continue what she's done - cause what's she's done is pretty amazing, she's made a very successful company in only a few years - but I also want to do what I want to do. She understands that, of course, and doesn't really expect me to make her career my career, and she said that I could do it "in addition." I would be fine with this, in truth, but for a sad irony in what she said: she explained this further by saying I could "do what she does, coordinate other people and that sort of thing." That makes it sound like what she does isn't a full time job, and she DOES do a full time job, she works CONSTANTLY...she laughed when I commented on this, but it's a problem really - I'd go nuts pursuing my own career while also maintaining HEC. While I wouldn't do that alone - my brother has a definite stake as well - I'd almost HAVE to be the writer, because Ben doesn't enjoy writing, and it's sort of a mess.
Sigh. I have the feeling all of this will work itself out, but for now it's just all in my head.
Anyway, my week so far has been pretty fun. I gave my wizard in my game a little baby dragon to play with. He feels really guilty, cause my players did kill it's mom, but I'm trying to convince him he wants a cute baby dragon familiar. I know the halfling wants him to keep it, she keeps going, "awwww, it's so cute," even when it tried to bite her. I felt a little strange, having a living being be part of the treasure that they received, and it was fun anyway. :)
Then yesterday we finished up the session of
drake_rocket's Supers game that we started on Friday. It was...messy. In all, 4 out of 5 PC's got knocked unconscious (including me, I got my arm broken and I got stabbed, both of which stunk seriously) and I think I'm the only PC who felt we "won." (our primary goal was to retrieve the evil soviet robots, which we did, so I count it a win...in other ways, it was definitely a loss.) I'm also excited, I got an A+ on my first major assignment of the semester. I always get nervous when I submit first major paper to a new professor for the first time. On the flip side, I'm starting to get nervous about the history department,I wish they'd get back to me...I don't mind not getting in at all I just wish I knew..
But I should be paying attention. :) Later!
no subject
As for the future, i'm sure you'll figure it out, you are awesome that way. :)
And as for your mom's company thing, you'll always have my help(cuz getting rid of me will take an awful lot ). I'm good with people yo. and the talking of words to people who can or can not understand them. :) You would just have to deal with my high amount of inertia. :)
no subject
On the plus side, it's nice to see there's still the passion to pursue a field, even though it keeps changing. I like seeing that in people.
I can tell ya pretty safely, though, that if your mom has tolerated all the crap you've put her through so far in your life, it won't be the end of things if you decided to pursue your own path instead of the one she would like you to choose ;).
But the money...she is such a mistress...so very sexy and shit...
If your mom's company is as successful as I imagine it should be (she is, after all, a freaking genius...), going your mom's path is a hard one to ignore. Although if she knows you have no intention of returning to New York (we all miss you, by the way) permanently, you wouldn't be reasonably able to do the job she does anyway.
I imagine she would have no problems teaching you everything you don't already know by now if you were willing to come back and stay in the city, by the way. (Tina if you're reading this please don't kill me(!) but) it seems like the smart way for her to get you back to civilization ;). I've known ya for about a thousand years now, and if there's one thing I know about you, it's that you're smarter than you give yourself credit for - I know you could take the reins from your mom if you ever decided to.
In the end, though, I have no doubt she will accept whatever choice you make.
*read* Come home ;)
-- Gerardo
holy mindful batman!
*scurries back to actually work*