Really Bad News

[unforth]

We submitted 7 grants as part of two proposals in the winter and early spring, and have been waiting with baited breath for the results. Well, the results for one of those just came out. They only awarded 60 out of 387 (15%) submitted grants, and of the four that submitted, we didn't win a single one.

I'm just horrified.

It's official. March? March was the worst fucking month of my entire life.

Comments

[ultimabaka.livejournal.com]

Fuck babe...I'm sorry to hear that...:(

I gotcha if ya need anything. Drop one.

[unforth.livejournal.com]

Well, I know I gave it everything I had. But when I think of it - one of those grants included me in the budget for the very first time, about 20k per year for me, as a consultant. And 110k per year for five years for the company.

But ultimately, that's not the kicker. They were good fucking grants. I know they were. And we all worked our asses of - I did, and mom did, and the clients did, and our liaisons at the schools did. And now all those thousands of kids won't have access to after school, and I can't help but feel that if I'd done better maybe we'd have had a shot, but the truth is I know that with that few grants winning, and the way points are awarded, it's pretty safe to literally say that nothing I did could have made a difference - most of grants simply could not have met with cut off in points without being well-nigh perfect.

To put it in perspective, last year, the grants were rated on a scale from 1 to 100, and every grant that met certain parameters that achieved a score of 75 or higher was awarded.

This year, the grants were rated on a scale from 1 to 106. Every grant that scored about a 93 was awarded - and some grants, for various statutory reasons, could actually only achieve a score of 104 or 100.

They awarded 47 fewer grants this year than last year, received 100 more submissions than last year. Last year, they gave $57 million in grants; this year they gave $33 million in grants.

I know all the facts, and I keep telling myself that we did everything we could, but you know what?

I still feel like shit.

I've got company until tomorrow, but tomorrow, let's figure something out.

[swan-tower.livejournal.com]

Gyah. Looking at the numbers like that makes it clear how very much this is about the economy. Still, I can understand how knowing that doesn't make it sting any less.

:-(

[unforth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it really is about the economy. :( And I got a somewhat related e-mail from the government folks who do the distribution, and they sounded so sad that they were able to give so few...it's tough stuff, really...

[bromius.livejournal.com]

Yikes! Sorry to hear that!

[unforth.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :(

[kendokamel.livejournal.com]

):

That really sucks. I'm so sorry to hear that.

[unforth.livejournal.com]

Yeah...life goes on, though - we'll make things work...

[d-c-m.livejournal.com]

*big hug*

I'm sorry honey.

[unforth.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[milbrcrsan.livejournal.com]

:( *hugs* I hate to repeat things, but I'm sorry to hear. Things will get better, the next grants you write will be awesome!

[unforth.livejournal.com]

Well, that's kinda part of what's upsetting - I'm pretty sure that these grants were awesome, they just weren't quite awesome enough. :( Hopefully, once the Recovery Act money starts really trickling down, things will be better...

[milbrcrsan.livejournal.com]

Well, from what you said, it sounds like the economy is really hitting the grant awards, so maybe if everything was normal, you would have gotten something. All we can do is hang in there until the clouds start to clear. :( And July is going better than March, right?

[unforth.livejournal.com]

I sure hope July is going to be better...it's not off to a bad start, so far...aside from this news...

[galiyah.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I'm so sorry. :( That stinks.

[unforth.livejournal.com]

Yeah. :(

[sapphohestia.livejournal.com]

Ooof. I'm really sorry. *HUGS*

[unforth.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[bakanekotoo.livejournal.com]

That really sucks, I'm sorry to hear that :-(

[unforth.livejournal.com]

:(

[skygawker.livejournal.com]

Nothing that everyone else hasn't said, but wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. At least it sounds like it wasn't because of a failure on your part...? Then again, the feeling that circumstances themselves are simply against you isn't very good either. :( I'm really sorry.

[unforth.livejournal.com]

I won't know for certain if it was a failure on my part until we get to see the peer review sheets - but I suspect that it was just a lack of money in the system. Thanks for the support - I really needed it...

[sharonskinner.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear that, but it happens.

An organization can't always be in the top 15%, especially when so much of what the reviewers are looking for, or how they read a response, can be so subjective.

Funding is tighter than ever, and the field is more competitive because of it. Not to mention that, like it or not, politics can sneak in and rob you, too. I've had it happen.

No matter what, I hope you have other successes soon!

[unforth.livejournal.com]

Yeah - I didn't realize just how much tighter things had gotten until this happened. And I do think that, for the post part, it wasn't politics - I'm a peer reviewer for this proposal, so I know pretty well how it works and I know how committed the higher ups are to at least the guise of impartiality....

Whether we have other successes soon or not, I know we'll manage - and things will look up...

[ireneadler.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[unforth.livejournal.com]

*hug* thanks.